My Story: How Fear Led Me Home

I bought a house in Portugal in five days. Sight unseen. Never having visited the country.

People called me brave. The truth? I was terrified.

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I tell people I'm motivated by inspiration and ambition, but most of my biggest decisions have been driven by fear. Fear of missing out. Fear of being too late. Fear of not being enough. In 2011, I opened a wedding and events business in Ontario because I was scared someone else would do it better. And in August 2021, fewer than five days after seeing a real estate listing, I wired a deposit to Portugal because I was scared of a life without my father.

 

COVID took everything in 2020. My dad. My business. The ten years I'd spent building my dream.

The business was already living the dream when everything collapsed. We'd just formulated our next phase of growth—bringing everything in-house, less reliance on outside vendors. Then the world shut down. Weddings cancelled. Events evaporated. 

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Then came the lawyer's letter from our biggest vendor, demanding payment for all the cancelled 2020 events. We had $10,000 in the bank. We had no choice but to declare bankruptcy. My clients were furious. A city and its media outlets who had previously sung our praises, quickly shifted to fueling the fire of outrage, blame and controversy. A client stormed our building threatening to steal everything until he felt compensated. We had to hire security. I discovered Facebook hate pages about me and deleted all my social media.

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Through all of it, my dad stood between me and the chaos. He handled the media attacks. He physically positioned himself between me and angry clients. He just wanted me to be happy. Looking back now, I think he knew his time was short. He agreed with me about closing the business—something I'm not sure he would have done if he hadn't been sick.

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I wanted to be invisible. I couldn't walk into a grocery store without wondering if I'd see a former employee or an angry client. I needed to escape. And what better place to escape your fears than by layering on a whole new set of fears in a country where no one knew you or your story?

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By summer 2021, I had no job, my kids were growing up and living independently, and we'd sold our house. My husband Kevin and I were ready to start fresh.

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One boring Sunday afternoon in our Kitchener living room, I made a list of my dream home. When I started envisioning it, thoughts of the Camino de Santiago kept surfacing.

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My father had walked the Camino Francés in 2001 and was so inspired that he purchased a building in our hometown and transformed it into a Spanish-style villa. Every architectural detail, every landscaping choice—it was a walk through his favorite memories from his pilgrimage. In 2011, I became the ambassador of his dreams when I opened my event business in that building and hosted thousands of people over ten years.

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In 2018, I walked my own Camino. My dad came with me for the first five days—he didn't walk but drove each day to meet me and stay with me. He gathered all the friends from Spain and France he'd walked with 18 years earlier, people who had become part of our lives. Those five days are among my most treasured memories. During my 36-day pilgrimage, I often dreamed of living on the Camino, creating a respite for weary pilgrims. I told myself I wanted to honor my dad by being close to the Camino. But now I think I might have been scared of losing my connection to him.

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For our 2019 honeymoon, Kevin and I spent three weeks in the Azores—Portuguese islands in the Atlantic. I fell in love. The people, the vibe, the majestic views, the food. We talked about retiring there or owning a second home. Kevin agreed but worried about the remoteness. We started thinking about mainland Portugal instead. Neither of us had been there, but that was fine. For me, it appealed to my romanticized desire to escape. For Kevin, it fueled his passion for adventure.

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I also love to cook, entertain, and grow my own food. Kevin's list was simpler: he needed to be near water. As a sailor and fisherman, he's always been drawn to large bodies of water. After the year I'd had, I was ready for peace.

 

Our list:

• On the Camino ✓

• In Portugal ✓

• House with space to host guests ✓

• Larger property for a garden ✓

• Near the ocean, lake, or river ✓

 

I reached out to a Portuguese friend who connected me with a real estate agent in Porto. Within days, the agent sent two listings. One ticked all the boxes. We scheduled a FaceTime walkthrough.

 

My desire to escape was so strong that I knew before the tour this could be our new home. Strangely, Kevin didn't protest—usually he needs extensive research before any decision. This time? He just said yes.

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I had an overall peaceful feeling, despite the crazy timeline. Yes, there was a twinge of fear in my gut, but I'm good at ignoring that.

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By the following Sunday, we owned a house in Portugal.

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Nadine